Conquering Life One Day At a Time

This weekend was a great one for me. Steven and I had our first official real planned date since we started hanging out almost two months ago. And it was a wonderful one.

Current Mood: quixotic

Woo-hoo! Good news for Deema! 

I had another appointment with my counselor this afternoon. We discussed the usual stuff: my mood, my mindset, my fears, my plans. At the end she asked me if we needed to make another appointment or if I just wanted to call if I needed her. And she made me make the decision.

I'm much better. I'm 180 degrees from where I was a year and a half ago. I've somehow finally figured out how to see things from a different perspective. And I've stopped accepting responsibility for everything that is wrong. It's not my fault if a guy doesn't want to be with me because he has issues, if someone's parents don't like me because of my lack of culture, or if someone has to suffer the consequences of their bad choices. 

I am now stronger and more confident. I am able to recognize where my negative thinking will lead and better yet put a stop to it before it drags me down. She trusts me to start taking on the responsibility of dealing with my issues on my own. 

I have graduated out of regularly scheduled sessions. I am ready to face tomorrow on my own. Yay me!

Current Mood: accomplished

 It's been an amazing experience. I tried something new, met some wonderful and fun people, and learned a little more about myself and what I am capable of. All in all, I think it will be hard to top this. Not that I'm going to stop trying. 

The last class was last night. There was a strange feeling in the group. It felt odd to play together for the last time. It was as if we knew, but we didn't want to accept. There were lots of hugs and promises to keep in touch and hang out, but I worry that it's the same kind of "keep in touch" we give our friends at the end of camp or the school year. And did we ever really keep in touch? On the other hand, we've all joined each others myspace friends, so I guess there is the possibility that staying in touch can happen. I hope so. It's not often I connect to people the way I did with these people. 

The instructor asked us to write up one last paper. She asked us some "leading" questions (What aspects of the art of improv have had an effect on your day to day life or decisions? What have you found out about yourself you didn't know before? What has the experience of this class been like? what about this experience would you like to replicate at some other time and place in your life? How has this class affected you? What would you like to say about your personal experience in this class? If there were 5 things you have learned that you will take away from this class, what would they be?) to get us in the mind-frame of writing what she needed to know. I wrote mine out and realized that I learned a lot of things that probably wasn't expected. 

Current Mood: thoughtful

I've really enjoyed my Improv class this quarter. Everybody should be required to take a fun class like that. It's the first time I've not paid attention to time and have fully enjoyed each and every moment in class. I've even made some new friends, which is different. Not just classmates or acquaintances, but actual friends who I wouldn't mind hanging out with outside of the classroom setting. That's big for me; usually I keep my life very compartmentalized: "co-workers", "classmates", "church acquaintances", "friends". Every once in awhile someone makes the jump from one group to another, but usually there is no mixing and matching with me. But I like these people. They are fun and funny and I have a feeling that if we can maintain contact, we can have some great new friends in our lives.

I even went out of my comfort zone and invited all of them out to Buffalo Wild Wings with me last Friday. It was a big deal, not only because I was willing to go out in a crowd, but because I initiated it. Unfortunately, it didn't pan out as I was hoping. Only one guy managed to make it with me, but we had a good time anyway. We watched the Blazers beat the Lakers (finally) on the screens surrounding us, chatted, and I impressed him with my ability to eat spicy wings without breaking a sweat. After dinner we took a LONG walk around downtown Vancouver and continued to chat and plot world domination. 

At this point, we only have a few classes left. It's kind of sad to think that I will soon be losing my weekly play-date with my new friends. But I will enjoy the few I have left and hopefully we will find a way for us to continue our play times. 

For our final project we were supposed to write up a "fantasy" for the class to act out. We began doing them this past Tuesday. It's interesting to see what people dream about. There were some fairly shallow dreams and some very intense dreams. It was all fun, though. And the class was so great in acting the parts they were assigned. 

As I had mentioned once before, I had already made up my mind to act out the taking over of the world. It seems no one really believed me when I told them that and it wasn't until I actually got up to read my paper that they really got it. It was a hit. I've put a lot of thought into what I would do if I took over the world and so I had plenty to tell them. And of course, I'm a creative and colorful writer with a lot of humor in my head, so it was fun just telling the story, even before we started acting it out.

Current Mood: creative

Steph and I took her kids skating tonight. Well, she took Cody and Autumn and me skating. Shea is too little, Sean wasn't feeling well, and Michayla wanted to stay and play with her cousins instead. 

It was a skate party for the school. I remember when our elementary school did those. I usually went, although why always alluded me. I usually didn't have any friends there and therefore spent the evening skating by myself. I rarely had a really good time, but I always told my parents that I did if they asked. I guess I just wanted to be happy so bad that I contented myself with the pretend version. 

This time, however, I had Steph and her kids to enjoy the activity with. Autumn, the ever social butterfly of the family, immediately found a friend and skated off into the distance. Cody was unsteady and slow, but not clingy, so Steph and I were free to go at our own pace. 

We had a good time. We did the hokey-pokey and all the other skate activities that they do. And when they turned it to "couples" skate, I actually had a kid to hold my hand. It was much better than my old skate nights. This time, when asked if I had a good time, I was able to answer with a very sincere "YES".

When I got home, I found another rose taped to my front door. Very sweet. And a little strange. But I'll focus on sweet for tonight.

Current Mood: content

I had a rough day yesterday. 

It started out okay, but as soon as I got into the office I knew it was going to be a very challenging day for me. I had a deadline to meet today and a shorter-than-normal time to accomplish everything that needed to be done. And everyone else in the office decided they had other things to do than be at work with me. So, I didn't get near enough done yesterday. I was frustrated and stressed. 

By the time 5:00 rolled around, I just wanted to come home, change my clothes, and run down the street for hours. That should tell you something: I don't run. Ever.

But I couldn't do that. Yesterday was my cousin Sara's birthday and the family was surprising her at Olive Garden. I was not going to miss out on that fun. 

We had fun. We got there in plenty of time to surprise her when she walked in. Unfortunately Olive Garden wasn't ready for our group and rather than having us seated when she got there, we were all still waiting for our table to be ready. And this WITH reservations. Oh well. Sara was pleasantly surprised to see us anyway. 

After dinner, I opted to not join everyone for pie at Sara's house simply because I just wanted to come home and make the day disappear. I put on my jammies and pulled out my yearbook scrapbook to get a little work done. After gluing the first piece down, I ran out of glue. Yep, perfect day. 

I slept okay, not terribly, but not tension-free either. But I was determined to let the bad day go and make today a new day. The positive attitude made my mood better, but unfortunately it didn't do anything to fix how behind schedule I now was. So, I put myself into high gear and managed to get everything I could done by the time I left the office. Thankfully I didn't have HOSTS today; that gave me a little extra relief. 

I went to Grandma and Grandpa's for dinner like I do every Thursday. But I was really tired. After the frustration of yesterday and the stress of finishing things today, my body was worn out. After dinner, I said good-bye to my grandparents and drove myself home, looking forward to my warm jammies and oh-so-comfy bed. 

I walked up to my apartment, where I had forgotten to turn on the outside light when I left this morning. I fumbled in the dark for my keys as I approached the door and then stopped. There, taped to the middle of my door, was a beautiful pink rose. Who it was from, or why it was there, I can't say. But it made me smile. 

It was the silent compliment that I needed.

Suddenly, everything is right again. I'm relaxed, happy, and ready to face tomorrow. Funny how a small flower can do so much.

Thank you, to the very kind person who left the beautiful gift. It means more than you can know....

Current Mood: loved

I believe in giving. It's a concept that is encouraged in the Bible and something I try to incorporate in my daily life. I don't always have the money to give, but I can give in other ways: my time, my attention, my encouragement and support, my blood. 

Yesterday I had an opportunity to give my blood, which I try to participate in whenever the Blood Mobile is at the college. Sometimes I'm able to, sometimes not. There are times when I just can't get away from my desk, but mostly it's because I usually have slightly low iron in my blood. But I keep trying. I figure if I think heavy iron, my body might produce it. And I try to eat whatever boosts iron the few days before I donate. 

The last couple of times I've managed to be successful in my attempts to donate. Yay!

Needles make me uncomfortable. I don't like the pinching feeling when they go in or come out. And I REALLY don't like the long wait for my blood to drain into the little bag next to me. Usually about half way through I start to get antsy and itchy and wanting to take the needle out. It helps to have something comforting to hold onto, so I'm the only one at Clark who carries in a small Winnie-the-Pooh. But I don't care; it gets me through the process. Then I get cookies and juice!

Yesterday, Angie decided to go with me and donate. She was planning on going anyway, she just hadn't decided when, so when she heard I was going we decided to go together. It was nice having someone I know in there with me and I felt better about being there. One of Angie's friends that I had met at her New Year's Eve party and a guy from my Improv class were also there, so I actually knew all the people in the bus at that moment. How fun is that? It was like a fun little party for once with lots of chatting and laughing. I wish I could arrange it that way every time I give. 

I've been doing this since I came to the college, for almost two years, and I've noticed that this last year has been a lot easier than it used to be. I'm not sure if it's the fact that the more I do it, the more comfortable I become, or the fact that I've been drinking a lot more water while at work, or even maybe the meds I've been on, but my blood flows so much faster lately. The last couple of times I've given, it's gone so quickly that I haven't had time to get itchy about the needle. It's very strange. It makes me wonder if maybe there's something to the depression and your health correlation. It seems to me that happy blood moves better....

After we filled our bags, Angie and I got our arms wrapped in colorful bands (red for Ang, hot pink for me) and we were sent over for some juice and cookies. Then Angie ran off to class and I headed back to my office. It was fun for once. And the best part is that we helped by giving to someone else.

Current Mood: pleased

The timing was right and the opportunity presented itself. Maybe it didn't happen exactly the way I had expected, but when does it ever? The important thing is that I didn't "block the offer", as my instructor keeps saying. I recognized the offer and accepted it by confidently stepping into a role of responsibilty. 

And within the first hour I came to realize that I may not have been as ready as I had assumed. 

I've been working in the church nursery on Sunday mornings for roughly seven months now. I've gotten the feel of the room and the children I deal with, comfortable with the people around me, and used to the setting up routine. When I was presented with the offer of moving from "helper" into the position of "coordinator", it seemed simple enough. I had already soaked up much of the coordinator's responsibility through quiet observation, so it wasn't like I had no idea what I was getting into. But after prayer and discussion, we all decided that this particular position belonged to someone else. Still they began my training as a "sub" so that when the opportunity was right, I would be able to slip in. 

The right opportunity turned out to be on Wednesday nights. Interesting. 

Wednesdays are a little different from Sundays. There are fewer people who attend on Wednesdays so we combine some of the rooms. Rather than only working with the Creepers like I do on Sundays, I have Sleepers and Creepers in my room. And instead of cranky, just woken up babies, I have cranky, ready for dinner and/or bed babies. 

I didn't think going from Creepers to Sleepers would be that big of a difference. But I was wrong. And suddenly this responsibility REALLY scares me! There is SO MUCH that I don't know about the little ones. I had no idea. But, come on, the last diaper I remember changing belonged to my cousin who will be turning 18 on his next birthday. And a lot seems to have changed since those days. How WOULD I know? 

On Sundays, the babies I play with do not usually need to be fed. And even when we do feed them, they have teeth and can for the most part handle a cracker or two. Not so with Sleepers. Bottles and burping. I know how to give a baby a bottle, but that's it. I have never prepared one and I can never seem to figure out the burping trick. And how about those who don't use bottles yet? I pick them up and they nestle down preparing to be fed. But I can't help them with that! I may look equipped, but they would be very disappointed. Then they get upset and start crying because I'm not sharing. Hey now!

And did you know that teething babies like to chew on anything and everything they can stick in their mouths? And that giving them something frozen helps numb the pain a bit? Yeah, me too. Yet, when one little guy was chomping down on toys and crying, I did not instinctually go to the freezer for a ring. Nope, someone else gave it to me and I thought, "what a good idea!" 

And how do you distract a crying Sleeper? The Creepers are at the stage where they are crawling around the room, finding toys and picking them up, exploring the people around them. Sleepers are still at the "lump" stage. When I have a crying Creeper in my lap, I usually pick up something noisy and colorful and once I've captured their attention I can hand the toy to them and they entertain themselves. But that doesn't work with crying Sleepers. The little guy with the teething ring was very upset because it kept dropping to the floor. I'd hand it back to him and he would drop it again. It took me awhile to realize "Oh, hey, he needs help!" It just didn't occur to me that a four-month-old hasn't gotten the concept of  "hold" yet, let alone "hold to mouth". 

It's like I cognitively understand these very basic and obvious facts about babies, but really understanding and utilizing them alludes me. I guess it's the kind of stuff that takes practice and being a single non-mom, I haven't been given the opportunity to learn. I just hope everyone else is right and this "teaches" me before my own come along and I do some real damage. 

But I'm willing to try and learn. And even after admitting this lack of maternal knowledge, they still seem willing to keep me as a coordinator. So wish us all luck! We're all going to need it.  
 

Current Mood: amused

 I decided to take another class this quarter. I enjoy learning and I have found that classes are much more enjoyable when I'm not taking them because I have to, but rather because I want to. And it seemed appropriate in my "try new things" year. 

So, I'm taking Improv for Theater and Life. It's not so much for the theater aspect, but for the life part. I'm looking forward to learning the tools to help me feel comfortable in uncomfortable situations, to learning how to find words when I don't know what to say. 

There is some acting involved, of course. Last week I played the part of a tornado, a first grader, a kitten, sizzling bacon, and a member of the cast of West Side Story. This week I was stuck in a box, running late and in a traffic jam, eager in Disneyland, and a shoe maker learning the truth about "boot camp". I'll be honest, I'd much rather sit back and watch the creativity flow from my peers than play it out myself, but that's not how this stuff works, so I push myself out of my comfort zone and into the unknown. Literally. 

I'm already seeing how my life is going to benifit from what I learn in this class. The first night of class, the teacher made a list of "tools" that we will be acquiring through this quarter. As I read through them I thought "yes, this is the perfect class for me to be taking at the beginning of this year". I'm going to be learning things that are hard for me, things I've been trying to figure out how to teach myself for ages now, things I have always feared allowing to be part of me. 

Current Mood: happy

I had told my cousin Angie that I would ring in the new year at her party. Or at least make a lengthy appearance. I started to regret my promise when the day finally approached. I was feeling glum and blue all day and would have preferred to to pull the down comforter back over my head and pretend it wasn't happening. But I got up and forced myself out of the house.

That turned out to be a great idea. 

I was a little quiet at the beginning of the party, somewhat "wall-flowerish". I sat on the sofa with my laptop and hard lemonade and watched the youngins (yes, at the ripe old age of 30, I was the old lady of the group) play Atari games. In the background were the sounds of the DDR games being played in the other room. Angie had made lasagna for dinner for everyone (one batch meatless for the veggie-saurouses and one with piles of hamburger for us carnivores). It was really tasty. And then she pulled out her "Box of Randomness"; a box full of random toys for her friends to go through and claim. It was way cool and fun and funny and I'd love to be able to try it sometime, but I don't think I am quite cool enough to pull off "The Box of Randomness". It's a great party idea anyway.

I got a charm bracelet from the box. It's a theme of "Living the High Life" and the charms are playing cards, dice, a martini glass, cigarettes, and a bikini-clad woman. Because every woman should wear a bikini once in awhile.

Over the course of the night I loosened up a bit and was able to talk and joke and flirt like the sparkly girl my friends know me to be. I challenged Angie to a bit of DDR (at which she totally kicked my tail). I talked online to Steph. I took tons of photos. And I flirted with an oh-so-cute, much-too-young, slightly-too-drunk mystery man in a black hat. And that's when I got my great idea.

I thought that since this is my "best year ever" it seemed right that this should be the new year that I kiss someone at midnight. Terry was of course my first and very obvious choice, but he had other party plans. So, Seattle seemed the next best choice (especially since I managed to win a kiss on my last trip). But I decided that I didn't want to do the drive again..... 

But here was an idea: Cute, younger guys. A whole house full of them. Some of them are even straight. Why not kiss one of them?

Midnight came and we all said "Hooray! Happy New Year!" No kisses for Deema. But then I walked into the kitchen and Eric came in and asked if I succeeded in my quest. "No" I pouted. So he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. Which prompted Angie to pout that I had gotten a kiss from her boyfriend before she did. I'm guessing he rectified that adaquately because Angie had fun telling the story again later. The teasing had created enough commotion for me to be able to share the story (as well as the reason why) with the boys in the living room. Which got me two kisses from the sympathetic young men.Woo-hoo, go me! And then for good measure, one more guy kissed me on the cheek to make sure no one got more kisses than I did (unless of course there were "couples". There is NO COMPETING with drunk couples). 

So, it wasn't kissing the man of my dreams. But who cares. They were cute and I got to end the night with the knowledge that I am Angie's hot cousin. And by the time I went to bed, the gloominess of the day had long since disappeared.

The next day brought more holiday traditions for me and my family. We always get together on New Year's Day and have dinner and play games. Dinner is always much more casual than Christmas: ham sandwiches and black-eyed peas (the peas are supposed to bring you good luck in the new year. It's the only time most of us ever eat them). 

This year I invited Terry to join us. I was actually quite surprised when he agreed. He had joined us for Easter once and I think a birthday or two, but he's never really got to see what my family is like when they are in the holiday moods. We're a loud and crazy bunch. But I think they are fun and for the first time ever, I was not worried about what this person was going to think of my family. It's like I didn't care if he fit in or liked how silly they are; they are my family and I love them for it.

The thing I love most about my family is that they love me enough that even though I'm sure every one of them were thinking "what is he doing here?" (I didn't let anyone know I had invited him), every single one of them greeted him and conversed with him as if he was one of the family too. They may want to hang him by his ankles but they respect me enough to set personal feelings aside when I bring him around.

Terry tried the black-eyed peas, which I guess he had never had before. He said they tasted pretty much like a bean and ham soup (which is pretty much what they are). And he played Catch Phrase with us. That was really funny because he was so precise and calm when describing his word, a striking contrast to the rest of us.

After we played games for a little while, he and I left to go see a movie. We went to the downtown theater and watched National Treasure: Book of Secrets. I thought it was really good. (I had been worried because I felt the first one was such a stretch of the imagination that there was no way they would be able to pull off a second. But they managed to do so in a somewhat believable manner.) And after the movie we went to a little place in Portland called The Blue Moon for something light to eat before ending the night. It was a cozy little place with dark lighting and pool tables. And the table we sat at was a large circular one that wrapped around a small fireplace.

I stared into the fire and questioned what it is that makes the difference between a "date" and "hanging out". 

There was no midnight kiss on this evening. Oh well. It was a good day nonetheless. I really enjoyed hanging out with my family, I enjoyed having Terry around, I loved the movie and I even liked the new experience of the restaurant. 

All in all, 2008 looks pretty good so far.

Current Mood: content

It's kind of interesting to me to realize that MY year begins a whole month earlier than everyone else's. I kind of feel like I've already established my resolutions for the year at the beginning of the month. And yet, I feel the necessity of writing some kind of a list preparing for the ringing in of 2008. But rather than repeat those objections that I set in the beginning, I will instead create a "to-do" list for this year:

* Skydiving
* Rock-repelling
* Speed dating
* Purple streak in my hair
* Take a photography class
* Learn tap dancing
* Host a Murder Mystery Party for Halloween
* Organize my house as one fitting for a "grown up"
* Complete a yearbook documenting all the wonderful things I accomplish this year
* Fly a kite at the beach

Current Mood: hopeful

Current Mood: gloomy

Current Mood: cheerful

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Christmas music, of course!

Current Mood: creative

Current Mood: sore

I had decided that it was high time for me to find someplace in my church to serve. I did some praying and observing and decided to give the nursery a try. It was a perfect fit for me. I love playing with the squishy little cuddlebugs and I love feeling like I'm helping and taking care of someone else.

Yesterday while I was in the nursery, I was informed that the room coordinator for my room will be moving on to work with the two-year-olds instead. That leaves an opening for a coordinator on the second, fourth, and fifth Sundays every month. And much to my surprise, I was one of the people she recommended to take her place. I'm very honored to be singled out as someone responsible and reliable enough to do this job. 

I'm going to do some praying and talking with the other person and see how we can work it out so that it doesn't end up overwhelming either of us with responsibility. It's not something I had anticipated for my "best year ever", but it is a very pleasant option.

Current Location: work
Current Mood: pleased

I will be the first to admit that I am not an outdoorsy type of girl and I would have no trouble finding someone to second, third, and fourth that admission. I pretty much belong indoors unless in a proper government issued state park for an afternoon only. I don't sleep outside, don't live off the land, and don't go wandering along uncharted dirt paths. As far as I'm aware, no one ever called Search and Rescue because they couldn't find their way out of the mall and that's enough for me.

That being said, I have discovered a outdoor activity that I don't mind doing as a tradition. I enjoy driving out to Stevenson with my mom and Don to stomp around on the snowy mountain in search of the perfect Christmas trees. I did it a few years ago and really enjoyed it, so this year when my roommate and I started talking about decorating for Christmas, I mentioned the experience and asked if she'd like to join us. She did, so this morning found us driving out on a clear, crisp December morning toward the cold, snowy land where Christmas trees live. 

We all met up with John and Kathleen and then drove up to the snow. We strapped on snowshoes and were off. Okay, it wasn't really as easy as it sounds. Last time I went, we did not need snowshoes, so just getting them on my feet properly was an experience. It took me so long to figure out the straps and stuff that John finally took pity (or something) on me and helped me with my shoes. He tries to deny it, but he's pretty nice sometimes. 

Part of the fun for me is proving to John and my beloved Don why I don't belong in the outdoors. The more I play up my helplessness, the more they have to tease me about. And as we all learned in grade school, boys show affection by teasing. So, by me giving them ammo to strike with, I'm showing my affection to them. 

In the course of stomping from one unsatisfactory tree to another unsatisfactory tree, John detoured slightly and took my disinterest in the trees themselves as an opportunity to do what he likes best: teach me the ways of survival. He showed me how to make a fire and what type of wood to look for in order to maintain the fire and then he showed me how to build shelter despite the snow. He's got this way cool utility thingy on his belt and a knife and he could survive for days. Again, I remind him that if I just stay in the mall, I would survive just fine too. But the fire thing was still pretty nifty. 

Finally Kristina and I found an adequate tree. Actually, it's more than just adequate. It's actually pretty darn cute! So we cut it down (all by ourselves!) and carried it out and back to the truck. It was a great experience: fresh air, exercise, and a way cute Christmas tree to show for it. 

Later, after Kristina left to go back to work, mom, Don and I hung out at John and Kathleen's for dinner. We ate dinner, looked at a couple of my scrapbooks (while the guys "played" outside), talked and ate cake for my mom's birthday, which is tomorrow. The guys came into the room with a cake literally COVERED in candles. The cake looked like it was a ball of fire. It was great. And the cake was quite tasty, despite the fact that mom didn't make it. 

*Yawn*

After such a day, I think I will sleep quite soundly tonight. Which is good since I have to be up early to play with the babies at church tomorrow.

Current Mood: sleepy

I decided to take the week off from work. I just wanted a little time to relax and rejuvenate before starting my life as a 30 year old woman. So far, it's been very nice.

My birthday started early yesterday morning, at 7:30, with a knock on the door. Stephanie had brought her five kids over to play at my house while she took care of some single mom type of stuff. I was more than happy to help, but boy was I unprepared. I've got a great selection of kid-friendly movies, suited for both boys and girls. However, with only one TV, it's hard to satisfy five different tastes. Luckily, I have a fantastic computer that will play movies, so I could at least have two different shows going on in two different rooms. That helped a little, but there was still quite a bit of whining ("I don't like this movie and that movie is dumb") and a little fighting ("no, it's MY turn to pick the movie!"). And of course the inevitable "I want to sit by Deema!", "Deema come watch this movie!", and the occasional "Can I go home yet?". The two-year-old followed me from room to room so he could sit on my lap and watch whichever movie I was watching for that few minutes.

How my roommate managed to sleep through all the chaos is beyond me! I have to give her credit, though. Not once did she come downstairs and shoot lazerbeam eyes at me for daring to allow this noise to invade our peaceful home.

Current Mood: silly

 You know that old saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"? Sometimes I feel like my life is a constant example of that. Not just in the overly obvious, very literal sense, but also in the fact that rarely do I ever get the chance to spend time reveling in the spotlight. Not that I'm complaining; I'm quite content to sit in the shadows and applaud my friends and their successes and joys. I just rarely have reason to be the center of attention myself. So when I finally found an opportunity, I took it. And enjoyed it.

My day started in my warm, comfy bed, as every day begins. It was quite cold outside (hello, snow falling in the courtyard!) and so I decided to play up my role of "princess for a day" and spend the day buried in a nice white cave of down comforter coziness. My princess pink laptop kept me company for several hours and I actually didn't leave the warmth of my bed until Angie dropped by and asked she could get a ride over to Sara's with me so Sara could do her hair also before the party.

Sara did a fantastic job on my hair and make-up. She spent almost two hours making me look more amazing than I remember looking before. Then I put on my beautiful "diamond dress", stepped into my sparkly, strappy shoes and headed out to meet my date. 

When I got to Terry's, he was taken aback at how beautiful I looked. He said I was absolutely stunning. Then he just stared at me for a moment. It was the desired effect, so I was very pleased. 

When we got to the party, most of my guests had arrived, gotten some food, and settled into natural and comfortable groups. I was so happy to see everyone. The room looked beautiful with white lights strung in the trees and draped around the room and flameless candles sitting on the tables scattered around. The music was playing in the background and the effect was exactly what I had hoped. Terry and I dropped our coats off at the coat rack mom had put outside the doorway and then stepped into the room, where we were immediately surrounded by the flashes of my paparazzi friends documenting my entrance into my ball. 

Of course, as the "guest of honor" I was required to make the rounds of the room and thank each of my friends for attending my event.  Since Terry is not really my boyfriend, just the stand-in for the night, I relieved him from the obligation of following me around and was unsurprised when he grabbed some food and sat with the group of friends from church. There were 29 guests in attendance, 30 if you count me. 30 for my 30th. Nice. 

I made my rounds, then located the fabulous spread of food and had a slight dilemma over where to sit. It was just like in jr. high, except this time I knew every table wanted me to sit with them. For the first time in my life, I was the most popular girl in the room! So, I decided since I was facing an old childhood dilemma, the obvious thing to do would sit with the childhood buddy who was my go-to gal during those awkward years. So my church friends didn't feel slighted (and my date didn't feel ditched), I stopped and explained that Steph knew the fewest people here, so I was going to sit with her. I'm actually glad that it didn't end up being a much bigger crowd: with this size, I was able to visit with everyone without feeling stretched too thin. 

And I was able to dance. 

Oh, I danced! I wanted so badly to dance with Terry. I mean, what is a ball without a dance with the person who has your heart? It was my night for fantasy and Terry was perfectly obliging. He gave me the best gift, my one night of pretend that I can cherish forever. We danced several dances together. I also danced a slow dance with Eric, several fast dances with Mom, Colynn, Sara, Kristina, and Barb and did "The Chicken Dance". And I wanted a special dance with Don, the dad I should have had many moons ago. Mom chose "Beauty and the Beast" for us. 

Terry was my perfect date. He danced when I wanted to dance, he was nearby when I needed him, and he at least gave the illusion that he was happy to be there with me. I even saw him eyeing me when I was "shaking my tailfeathers" with the girls.

Of course there were all the usual birthday parts: singing the song (thankfully sweetly and in tune), making a wish and blowing out my candles (three; one for each decade) and opening the gifts (there seemed to be some kind of scrapbook theme going on). 

When I finally got my fill of dancing, Terry and I went back to his place. We sat in the living room and drank hot apple cider and talked and talked. He let me indulge myself in a fairy tale game of "what if" and speculate what life would be like with us and little ones we brought in until he was too tired to stay up much longer. Then he helped me with my sandals (there is something so romantic about a guy buckling my shoes for me.....) and I gave him a quick kiss goodnight.

All in all, I would have to say this was probably the most perfect night I could have had. Everything went smoothly and everyone had a wonderful time. It was everything I could have hoped for it to be. 

Current Mood: loved